Today I ponder on how much we think we gain, in the same time we are losing something.

These past months I’ve been doing a lot of things I never thought I could. I do more workloads and I meet more people. I keep telling myself to see further and dream higher. I keep pushing myself to do more.

But now I feel numb. I realised that I’m now taking everything for granted. The worst part is feel like I’m losing something big : myself.

When I was little, I saw several people growing up boring, serious while the others are happy, fun, cheerful. And I’m thinking to myself ‘gosh I’m definitely not going to be those boring and serious adults’. As much as I always wanted to grow up so that I can do things the way I like, I am now afraid if I’ve been growing into those kind of boring and serious adults because I will not achieve happiness.

I would really love to go back to who I was when I was a kid : carefree, rebellious, cheerful. I just don’t know how I would fit in on this grown up world 😦